


Joke Shops and Spikey Hair

by Tairulz



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), F/M, Humor, Kokichi being the little shit we all know and love, Ouma's group is more like a mafia, i'm not sure what else to tag, joke shop, not without spoiling anything, the story is good though i swear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-01-28 11:04:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12605180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tairulz/pseuds/Tairulz
Summary: At first you thought the boy with the purple spikey hair was just an average regular customer, oh how very wrong you were...but was that such a bad thing?





	1. This is only the beginning...

**Author's Note:**

> For this AU, I’ve slightly changed the nature of Ouma’s organisation, putting him more closer to a mafia/vigilante type group. I'm not entirely sure about the exact nature, but i need them to be a more badass group for the plot
> 
> Welcome to the first X Reader that i've ever written, i hope you like it
> 
> I also have a Miu x fem reader in the works, so that should be posted sometime in the near future. AND this is already on top of the Komahina series I have to finish... I really have no self control when it comes to starting new stories XD
> 
> Despite my lack of ability to think of anything for the story tags, i hope you enjoy the story :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Kokichi x Fem! Reader

You didn’t know who he was at first.

You were a normal girl, who liked reading at the local library and had taken a job at your local joke shop. It was a store that sold everything from electric hand buzzers to whoopee cushions.

So when this average looking boy came in with spikes purple hair, you didn’t think anything of it. Just another customer looking to play a prank on someone.

“How can I help you?”

Oh boy, if you’d only known what that sentence would lead you into down the line.

Ironically, despite your store, the owner was a pretty stern woman. She wasn’t rude or cruel, she was just a serious lady, who could actually be pretty nice if you didn’t get on her bad side. Thankfully though, you seemed to be pretty far on her good side.

So when this same spiked haired boy comes into the store time and time again, at first you didn’t think he was anything more then a regular customer.

You were stacking shelves one afternoon, when you were tapped on the shoulder. 

Turning around, you saw that spikey haired boy behind you. 

“Hello, can I help you find something?” You didn’t know what he wanted, but you’d at least be polite to who had become a regular customer.

“Nishishi~ I’ve already found what I wanted.”

“What-“

Before you could even finish your question, the boy had taken your hand and was guiding you towards the exit.

“I’ll be borrowing miss (name) for a bit oki-doki? Just say it’s her lunch break or something.”

You looked back at your boss, who to your surprise, only nodded. Did she... did she look slightly nervous? Of one boy?

While you were pondering this, your feet had moved on auto-pilot, so before you knew you and this mystery boy were at the park.

You looked up, and startled slightly upon realising where you were.

“H-hey! What are we doing here?”

“Nishishi, your helping me of course!”

“Excuse me?! Who said it was up to you to decide?”

“I did.” He tilted his head to the side and grinned.

“That doesn’t excuse you dragging me out of work! There are other people-“

“No.”

Now you were starting to get annoyed.

“And why not?!”

The sudden serious look on his face was almost scary.

“Because they’re all useless.”

“...what?” You took a step back.

Like the flip of a coin, he was back to grinning again.

“Silly, that was a lie!”

“Who even are you?”

The boy looked shocked.

“Oh woooooow, you must be such a loser, you’ve never heard of me?”

“No I haven’t. And who are you calling a loser?!”

“Nishishi, I lied again, you’re not a loser.”

This boy seemed to flip moods pretty quickly, or was that just an act? You’d never talked to him before, but now he’d mentioned lying twice.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Which one?”

Was he trying to be annoying on purpose?

“WHO ARE YOU YOU IDIOT?!”

He took a step back, apparently surprised by your sudden volume. The grin quickly came back though.

“Haha, Riled up this quickly are you? Fiiiiine, I suppose I’ll tell you. Try not to faint in fear okay?”

“O...kay?” You raised an eyebrow. What could he possibly expect to shock you with?

“I am the one, the only, Kokichi Ouma! The leader of all supreme evil.”

Leader of supreme evil? This skinny boy that probably wasn’t much older then you? Right... you remained skeptical and utterly unimpressed.

“So... Kokichi then?”

“Mmm hmmm?”

“When can I go back to work? I would rather not get fired.”

“Whaaaat? I told you I needed help! Why would you want to go back and be boring?”

You fixed him with a blank stare. This was the first time you’d spoken to him at length properly, and he’d already annoyed you several times. He was cute, sure, but you really weren’t in the mood to deal with this at the moment.

“Because, some people need, oh I don’t know... MONEY to live. Did you maybe think of that?”

His next expression surprised you. Was he seriously pouting?

“Fiiiine...”

He flipped back to grinning.

“But this isn’t the last time we’ll meet, my dear~”

Somehow, even though that wording should have scared you, it didn’t sound remotely malicious coming from him. Wierd.

You promptly left and didn’t look back. But because of this, you didn’t see the impressed look on Kokichis face.

When you got back to work, nothing much had changed. A few customers were browsing, and your boss had taken your place at the counter.

You walked in, and headed towards your spot, but your boss stopped you.

“(Name), we need to talk.”

Oh no, were you going to get fired? You needed this job, so you really hoped not. If you did, you made a note to find that Kokichi boy and give him a piece of your mind.

“Who is that boy?”

You blinked. That was not the question yiu

“What...?”

“Who is that boy (name)?”

“He said his name was Kokichi, he’s a customer but I’ve never spoken to him outside of work until today.” You answered honestly.

“So he has no relation to you whatsoever?”

“Uh... no?” Where was this going?

“Well just be careful around him, okay?”

“Why? He’s just a customer isn’t he?”

“Well, yes, but... he only comes in on your shifts (name).”

What? This was certainly new to you. Only your shifts? But why?

“Wait, what?”

“I meant what I said. Any other day, he’s nowhere to be found, but when you’re here, so is he.”

“But why? I’m nothing special.”

“When I ‘dared’ to ask, according to him, he only said ‘because your not boring’. What that means to him and what exactly that means for you, I don’t know, but you here about bad things happening to people trusting strangers all the time.”

Her expression softened a bit, something she only seemed to do for you. She was like a stern but loving aunt.

“He could very well have innocent intentions, but just tread carefully, okay?”

You smiled.

“Yeah, I will.”

—

After that, you started observing Kokichi more carefully. And sure enough, you saw what your boss meant.

When you were working in the store, now that you were paying attention, he always seemed to be around you. Wether you were stocking shelves or at the counter serving customers, he always seemed to find a way to be in your general area.

He always seemed to want your attention to. When you weren’t paying him as much attention as he wanted, he would always wander off and do something. Either messing with a customer or products on the shelves, forcing your attention back on him once again. 

As the months went by though, you got used to his company, even starting to enjoy it. Despite him constantly spouting either lies or messing with you in some way, you could somehow tell that he didn’t mean it in a malicious way towards you.

And as you spent more and more time with him, you realised you were developing a crush on him. At first you were surprised, a crush on Kokichi, of all people in your life? But as you spent more time with both him and your own thoughts, you accepted it.

Despite Kokichi’s general mischief, things seemed to be relatively peaceful. 

And nothing would change that anytime soon.

... right?

—

One day, on what was just an average afternoon, you were once again working at the joke shop. When just like usual, Kokichi walked in, signature grin plastered on his face.

"(naaaaaame), I’m bored, come do something with me!"

You didn’t even change expression, used to Kokichi’s antics.

"Unlike some people, most of us don’t actually have all the free time you seem to have. SOME people need to put in effort to pay their bills."

As if on cue, 'tears' started building up on his face. 

"You’re so meeeeeean!"

"Don’t even start Kokichi." You stated flatly.

"Aww, why you gotta ruin my fuuuuun?" he whined. Sure enough the ‘tears’ we’re gone instantly.

"What do you really want?"

He was back to grinning.

"Weeeeell you see, I want you to go and push people in the lake with me."

"E...xcuse me? In the lake?"

"Well duh! Sooo are you in or are you gonna be boring?"

You sighed. You knew Kokichi would only continue to bug you, regardless of wether he was telling the truth or not. You turned to your boss, who raised an eyebrow, but nodded anyway.

You were so lucky she liked you. Anyone else and you probably would have been fired long ago. Kokichi was also a big spending regular customer, so that might have also helped, though she wasn’t some kind of Scrooge a store still needed it’s profit to survive.

You followed him across the street to the park, which had a lake in the centre. Even though you should have seen this coming, you still raised an eyebrow when you saw nobody there.

"So were not pushing people in the lake I assume?"

"Nope! That was just a lie." He answered cheerfully.

You only sighed. Of course he'd lied.

"So then why are we actually here?"

Kokichi answered almost immediately.

"You should take the throne with me!"

" ...what?"

"I am the king of all supreme evil, so I need a queen, duh!"

You raised an eyebrow. As much as you loved hearing those words, it was still Kokichi, so was it too much to hope it was true?

"Are you lying Kokichi?"

"Whaaaat? Whatever would give you that idea?" The grin didn’t leave his face.

"Kokichi, I’ve never had a conversation with you that didn’t involve lies. So what makes this time different?"

"Nishishi~ you’ll have to guess!"

"Kokichi for gods sake! Are you trying to confess to me or are you just jerking me around?"

"What would be the fun in telling you just like that?"

"This is serious!"

"So am i. Or am i....?"

"Kokichi!"

"Aww c’mon! Guess? C’mon the games no fun if you don’t."

Seeing as he wasn’t going to give it up, you decided to leave.

"Kokichi, I’m not sticking around to have my feelings jerked around like this! I’m leaving, and for god’s sake screw your little game, cause this time I’m just not having it! Not with something this serious."

With that you promptly turned around and stalked away, missing the rare stunned look on Kokichi’s face.

" ‘your feelings’? Oh (name)...."

He laughed.

"You really are the most interesting person I’ve ever met! Nishishi~"

—

You were back at the shop trying to go about business as normal. You knew what Kokichi was like, but being teased about your feelings being returned just upset you. For some reason he hadn’t followed you back, and you weren’t sure if you were grateful or disappointed. Your boss hasn’t come back from her break yet, and you were just minding your own business behind the counter, when two men in matching dark uniforms walked in. 

They looked slightly creepy, but you tried not to judge. It would be bad for business to turn away potential customers after all.

“Hello, how can I help you?”

“Are you (f/n) (l/n)?” One of them asked.

“Yes that’s me, are you looking for something?”

They looked at each other, then spoke again.

“There’s been an incident outside your store, we need your help. »

"Would you like me to get the owner? She-"

"No." the other guy said. "We need your immediate help. Someone’s been hurt."

"Have you called an ambulance yet?" You stalled for time asking the question, while you quickly scribbled on a piece of paper under the desk.

You weren’t sure what these guys wanted, there was even a slight chance they were telling the truth. But you still wanted to quickly write something down just in case.

"Yes we have." the first man said. "But we need someone there until it comes, unfortunately we don’t know first aid."

Finishing your note, you followed the two guys outside. To your surprise, no one was on the street.

Before you could ask one of the men where the supposed ‘injured’ was, you were quickly shoved and forced into a car that was parked on the side of the road.

"Hey! What’s going o-"

Unfortunately, you never got to finish your sentence, as something awful smelling was shoved into your face. Before you knew it, your world went black.

Your last thought? You should really stop being so polite to strangers.

—----

Kokichi had finally made his way back to the joke shop, wanting to see you but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t interested in how you’d react to him showing up after your little 'fight'. Would you still be mad? Most probably, but he still wanted to see you anyway.

He pushed open the door without a second thought.

“(Naaaaame)! Entertain me peasant!”

Upon entering the shop, he was put out to learn that you were no where in sight. He knew you should be at work right now, and thanks to his stunt months earlier he knew you valued your job. Were you out the back?

His thoughts on that possibility were interrupted when the door opened, he turned to see your boss coming in.

"Something I can help you with, boy?"

"Maaaaybe... I’m looking for a certain employee of yours. Care to share her whereabouts?"

Knowing who he was talking about, your boss shook her head.

"She should be here, she was behind the counter when I left for my break."

"Maaan did she turn invisible or something? Jeez how lame."

He whipped out his phone and dialled your number (which he had obtained some time back through sheer persistance on his part and a lot of annoyance on yours).

He was further confused when ringing sounded behind the counter. Ignoring your boss, Kokichi pushed his way behind the counter, and saw your phone lying there. Then, a piece of paper wedged under the device caught his attention.

He picked it up, only to find your neat writing stared back at him.

_‘Two guys - black uniforms - speak outside. If something happens tell family I love them.’_

_‘Ps. Tell K. Ouma sorry 4 ditching him.’_

Two guys? Dark uniforms? It couldn’t possibly be who he thought it was, could it? Nah... what were the odds?

He walked outside, barely avoiding your boss who had to duck out of his way. When out the door, he found one of your shoes lying abandoned in the gutter. The most telling sign though, was his enemy’s familiar sign that was printed on the paper attached to the shoe.

Apparently the odds were better then he thought.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Your boss, who had been holding the door open while looking at him curiously, was stunned by the volume and intensity of the cackle.

“Oh wow, how interesting! You fuckers decided to take (name) did you? Well boys, if that’s the game you wanna play...”

The look that crossed his face was one of sheer malice.

“The only one who wins this little game of yours... will be _ME!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written entirely on my phone, so if anything looks wierd I’ll go back and correct it.
> 
> Ohhhh my god I was so pissed off. I had the middle of the chapter written like twice in advance but my phone screwed me over and deleted it both times. But i thankfully finally got it written.
> 
> I love Ouma. Despite being an absolute little shit, he’s become one of my favourite DR characters, second only to Komaeda. Damn, what is it with me and the lanky pale wierd ones? Damn talk about having a type...
> 
> Hope I didn’t get Ouma too OOC, I tried my best. That’s all you can really do right?
> 
> Anyway, this was getting long (at least on my phone), so this will be continued in part 2. I hope you all enjoyed reading.
> 
> Cya next chapter 
> 
> Tairulz


	2. This Means War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did think about fitting some other characters in, but in this au I’m not entirely sure what I want to do and how I’d do it
> 
> I did lightly hint at Shuuichi/Kaede briefly, but that was more of a spur of the moment decision while typing. I usually ship Shuuichi with Ouma, and Kaede with Rantaro, but hey, I thought I’d do something different for once since Ouma’s taken in this story.
> 
> Apparently my friend who just borrowed my V3 really likes Rantaro... hahaha I had to let out an evil chuckle at that, I mean I love my friend, but boy is she in for a surprise... lol I can’t wait for the reaction text
> 
> (PS. that note was super old, and i can assure you it was a hilarious reaction, and who's the next character she falls in love with? Ryoma... XD As of now she's almost finished the game... and she's probably going to kill me if/when she reads this lol)
> 
> So this has been sitting on my new phone since november, but unfortunately my phone broke so i couldn't upload it until now

The world slowly came back into focus.

At first you weren’t really sure what happened. Your head hurt, and you could barely see straight. But as you lifted your hands to try and rub your eyes, they immediately jerked to a stop.

Confused, after a few more pained blinks you were finally able to concentrate on your immediate line of vision. Your hand were bound... to a chair? 

You turned your head from side to side, and not only were your hands bound, you’d discovered your legs were also bound to the leg of... yes, that was definitely a chair. One which you’d apparently be sitting on for a while.

Sitting...?

With a sharp stab of pain in your head, it all came rushing back to you.

The men, the car, ditching Kokichi.

Realisation slowly dawned on you, you’d been kidnapped. But why? What could you have possibly done to warrant being abducted and tied to a chair? Yeah sure you had people you liked and disliked, just like everyone else, but you couldn’t think of anyone that would do something like this to you.

You looked around the room, only to find it bland and empty. A crappy makeshift bed, a small generic bathroom with an open door, and the chair you were currently bound to pretty much comprised of the rooms furniture and features.

There was also a camera in the top corner of the room, near the door. So you were tied up and alone, and by the looks of things you were intended to be here for the foreseeable future. You were very worried when this occurred to you.

Who could possibly have this much of a grudge against you...?

—

“Shuuuuuuuuichi~”

The detective let out a tired sigh. He’d just wrapped up a difficult case, and was looking forward to going home to his girlfriends lovely piano playing so he could just relax in peace for once.

But he’d know that tone anywhere, damn, and he was so close to leaving the office too.

“What do you want, Kokichi?” He sighed. 

Sure enough, spikey purple hair and a familiar set of white clothes draped over his newest visitor. Who had just strolled into his office completely uninvited.

“Nishishi, What makes you think I want something, hmmm?”

“Kokichi...” He was really to tired for this.

“What? Can’t I just visit my favourite detective?”

He just gave the smaller boy a flat, unamused look. 

“Waaah! Shuuichi’s being mean to me!”

He could only groan, of all the times for Kokichi's antics... why now?

“Kokichi please, I’m tired and I’d really like to go home. Either tell me or kindly leave.”

Instantly, the ‘tears’ stopped. Only for Kokichi to sigh instead.

“Aww man, you sound just like her...”

This caught Shuuichi’s attention. Her? Kokichi had met a new female? It had to be a female, since Kokichi said ‘her’, and surely if he was referring to someone they already knew, wouldn’t he refer to them by name?

Would Kokichi even tell him the truth? Well, it’s not like he really had a choice. And the sooner he got done with whatever Kokichi wanted, the sooner he could go home.

So he ‘but he bullet’, and decide to ask.

“Kokichi... who’s ‘her’? Did you meet someone new?”

“Maybe...”

He groaned.

“Kokichi? Who are you talking about?”

“Nishishi~ a person silly!”

“Which person?”

“The person I was talking about.”

Jeez, Shuuichi could already feel the headache forming. How was he even remotely friends with this boy?

“Please for god sake, hurry up and tell me what you want so I can go home.”

“Aww giving up already? Okay fiiiine, this is more important anyway.”

More important? 

“What on earth is so impossibly vital Kokichi?”

“Ehehe, try and guess!”

“You want me to find someone, correct? You keep mentioning this vague ‘her’ person, so give me their identity and any clues you have, and I’ll help, okay?”

“Aww you found me out! And you took the fun out of it too...”

“Fun? Kokichi if someone’s really missing, then they could be in danger!”

“I KNOW THAT!”

He jumped back in his seat, surprised. Kokichi was... upset? It was hard to tell, but the detective could see the dangerous look in the others eyes. He never usually expressed this much emotion (that wasn’t glee over tricking someone), so why was he suddenly upset now?

“Make sure you find her soon, alright? I can’t leave my thrones empty for long, ‘kay? Byyyyyeee~”

Before Shuuichi could ask what the hell he meant by that, Kokichi slammed a bag on the desk, and with his signature grin back in place, waltzed out like he didn’t have a care in the world.

He looked in the bag, was this all evidence? He looked at the name that was on the file.

‘(Y/n) (l/n)’

A girl who worked at the local joke shop. Well that explains how Kokichi met her. The joke shop was next to the local library, which was run by...

Oh wow, this got complicated real fast.

And what the hell did Kokichi mean by ‘thrones’, he often fancied himself a king... did this mean that this (y/n) was not only an aquatintance, but a love interest? No way, Kokichi Ouma with a love interest... impossible... wasn’t it? But then, if this girl meant nothing, then why would he ask for Shuuichi’s help?

He sighed, and picked up his phone to call Kaede.

This was going to be a long night...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally managed to finish this chapter, i hope it was worth the wait
> 
> Cya next chapter :)
> 
> Tairulz

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was written entirely on my phone, so if anything looks wierd I’ll go back and correct it.
> 
> Ohhhh my god I was so pissed off. I had the middle of the chapter written like twice in advance but my phone screwed me over and deleted it both times. But i thankfully finally got it written.
> 
> I love Ouma. Despite being an absolute little shit, he’s become one of my favourite DR characters, second only to Komaeda. Damn, what is it with me and the lanky pale wierd ones? Damn talk about having a type...
> 
> I also have a Miu x gem reader in the works, so that should be posted sometime in the near future. AND this is already on top of the Komahina series I have to finish... I really have no self control when it comes to starting new stories XD
> 
> Hope I didn’t get Ouma too OOC, I tried my best. That’s all you can really do right?
> 
> Anyway, this was getting long (at least on my phone), so this will be continued in part 2. I hope you all enjoyed reading.
> 
> Cya next chapter 
> 
> Tairulz


End file.
